Sunday, October 2, 2011

Autumn, 2011

It is here.
The sun is lowing itself right into my eyes, and the Aspens are turning on the mountain.
A few weeks ago I was oh so mellow and grateful that I had experienced a plateau in the topsey turvey stumbling along of my life.
I never expect  people that have wronged me to come back for more, but they do. 
I honestly do not understand the attraction of reopening wounds and rubbing salt in them, not the effort anyone would put into it to do so. It is in my DNA I guess, but this has happened two or three times this summer.
I get that I am alone and unmatchworthy. I get that. I can live my life in relative happiness even though I do not have love. But Why does anyone think it is ok to reappear into someones life and drag them through the mud again?

What a good and true friend asked, and I ask as well, WHY are they reappearing, just as I settle into my life and find peace?

And these are relationships that I am NOT proud of, seriously.
I totally threw away time, energy and emotion on these ne'r do wells..And they made as much of a fool out of me as humanly possible to as many people as humanly possible.
I mean it is crystal clear there is no love lost there, yet they come back to do it again... ??

I am understandably confused.

I really have no reason to be so concerned about whether I am in any kind of relationship or if the ass clowns of the past come back, because I seriously have a good life. I am not wealthy, but I can live on my own, I rent a beautiful little adobe house in Santa Fe NM and am gainfully employed, fully insured and have a daughter who loves me whole heartedly. Honestly, you can't ask for too much more.

In truth these people are pretty unimportant.
Yes, I get mad and have rants about how cold and heartless they are, but...
Really, I am much batter off being away from them and I know it.

Happy New Year, Pagans!!